This month has been full of changes; and I don’t know any other way to deal with it other than write it down. I won’t bore you with the details, but those close to me know what exactly went down, and that’s how I wish to keep it.
Ever since I was 13, I had my own identity, an idea of who I was as a person. And now, almost 5 years later, it’s changed completely. Scary doesn’t even begin to describe it. I believed so much in who I was and what I wanted to be; and when everything just shatters around you in a fraction of a second, you suddenly feel so lost and vulnerable. Heck, I don’t know who I am anymore.
It’s not a bad thing, whatever happened. It did because I wanted it to. But these incidents are the exact of opposite of what I stand for, the exact opposite of who I am as a person.
The past few weeks, I kept telling myself to not overthink it, and to do whatever my brain told me to. I decided to just ‘go with the flow’ and not worry about ‘labels’ and ‘tags’. Everyone I knew agreed that this was probably the correct thing to do, anyway.
The best piece of advice I got was: “Don’t take too much stress over it, and don’t force yourself to act a certain way. Let whatever you do be natural. Hard advice to follow, trust me. Take your time to see what you’re comfortable with. Don’t limit yourself to what you might do. It’s okay to do something uncharacteristic, don’t stop yourself from doing something because you have a preconceived notion.”
So I think I need a few more weeks which pass relatively normally, and figure out who I actually am as a person. I think I need everyone to give me some time, I swear I’ll come around. I always do. As for the people who’ve stood by me through this, I can’t thank you all enough.