Up Up And Away

I won’t deny it, I didn’t think I had it in me to move ahead, to ever be so okay with myself that the memories from that period of my life become nothing but a faint, familiar tingling sensation in the back of my neck. I won’t lie to you, no one thought I’d be able to, too.

I don’t know what happened, but I think I found myself in the process of trying to be okay with losing everything I ever stood for. All the pillars on which my entire being is built, shattered¬†all around me.¬†And¬†likewise, my heart crumbled into tiny little pieces¬†and¬†disintegrated in my bloodstream. For a brief time period there I think I lost my heart,¬†and¬†somehow couldn’t locate my soul. I don’t know if it’s scary, because the base of fear is your heart,¬†and¬†I don’t think I had that anymore.

Bear with me, this¬†is¬†a happy story. It doesn’t really end in flowers¬†and¬†sunsets, but in a wild forest fire which charred my entire life down until nothing remained, but ash¬†and¬†an¬†unscathed, but empowered, me.

I think somewhere down the line I just accepted how things were. I can’t romanticize what in fact was a painful¬†and¬†self-realization filled journey towards a new life. I did not wake¬†up¬†one day¬†and¬†believe in a greater dream, but instead I slowly¬†and¬†steadily undid the strings that were suffocating me¬†and¬†revealed someone I hardly recognized, but fell in love with instantly. I slowly pried open my body, vein by vein,¬†and¬†excruciatingly pried out the shrapnel¬†of the explosion that were somehow stuck to my skin like a drunken tattoo, the morning after.

This is probably the first time I allowed myself to write about it, just because I feared that if I let myself wander in these thoughts again, I’ll snap back into that zone¬†and¬†get sucked into that warp that I had lost so much to escape from in the first place. But I’m strong enough now,¬†and¬†I am nowhere near snapping back.

So listen up: if I can rise from the ashes and renew myself, so can you.

ūüé∂¬†Comforting Sounds – Birdy¬†ūüé∂

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2 thoughts on “Up Up And Away

  1. Hi.

    This blog is soothing and real and feels warm and oozy like a well made brownie. I can almost see that this is all things that you’ve lived and died through.I am quite glad I stumbled upon this blog a couple of days ago. Thank you for existing

    Like

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